Thinking

Just here in my thoughts, the other day me & my friend were sitting in his truck in my driveway. Just talking having really in depth talks about our lives & where we have been & how things are now. Now I am in this situation where my baby is sick, he has a lump in his throat & it was going down, but this Sunday again it started to swell up. I just get lost in my thoughts of him, & try not to get after him so much, but I still have to be Dad & lay down the law. When he was in the hospital I thank the Lord for everyone that went by, & called to check up on him. That same week @ work we just got slammed with work I couldn't even think straight, I was screwing up my work big time, forgetting orders to go pick up peoples household goods when they are going to move. It was bad I did it 3 days in a row. I talked to my boss I told him what was going on I apologized, & he just looked @ me & said, "Its okay, we will fix it". Man I just wanted to give him a hug, but I held back, he he, this was in Thursday. Well David went into the hospital on Sunday, & then Monday was memorial day so I had off. When I went to work on Wednesday I get a call about 9AM, I say hello, then a little voice comes on & says," Hello Daddy, what is taking you so long". Man my heart just sunk I start to get teary eyed in front of everyone @ work. Then I tell David, "taking me long for what Baby?". He tells me ,"To get over here". Now my eyes are all watery. Then I tell him,"Daddy's @ work baby I will be over there during lunch then after work". Then he tells me "Okay I thought you went to the house to get clothe for me, Love you Daddy". Then he hands the phone over to his momma then we talk, & hang up. Then afterward then everyone @ work knew something was wrong, & they start asking, & so on & so on. Well we get this ordeal done in the hospital, but now it seems it is coming back so pray for David so they can take this thing out. I don't know how to handle this, this is my baby, & he is hurting & there is nothing Daddy can do to make it feel better. Well I have to confess one thing that is just killing me & eating me alive, it is that, that night on Saturday David was crying because he was afraid of the dark & I yes I told him to stop crying, & he starts telling me his throat hurts........& yes the jerk that I am told him that I don't believe him anymore that his throat hurts.....Then what do you know the next day he wakes up so swollen, I cant take this anymore, my baby was hurting & didn't believe him, It hurts so bad & I just don't, know what to do anymore. I Make myself to be this really tough father, but I love my babies. I still have to put my foot down when things need to be addressed. My baby was hurting, I just didn't believe him. Now I am just looking @ him & he is so forgiving, why cant we be like little kids in the forgiving business. We screw up, & they just look at us and tell us its okay. Now I look at them if they are hurt I look at it different, I don't want to push my boys away. I want them to be able to talk to me. It was a tough week that week, I try not to deal with things, I just try to sweep them under the rug, & forget about them. But you know what someday you will have to confront those things. I screwed up I didn't listen to my baby when he was hurting that will always be there, in my head in my heart. I am just rambling on it so late I have to work in the morning, I ask that you say a prayer for my David. I don't know what is going to happen next, he has to see the doctor on Friday so pray for that, I want them to just take it out already.Night all