Don't know the word

Don't know the word to describe how i feel right now. I am just thinking of a lot of stuff that keep you up at night. Thinking of my spiritual life and where i have come so far and i don't want to be at a stand still, I want to keep learning to be on fire, to have that zeal back in my life, i am just being honest, seems like these days i feel burnt out and don't want to go anymore forward, i start thinking what for, what am i doing this for, this Wednesday we had a missionary at church and preached a message on how precious God thinks of us, we are HIS children, HE loves us so much, i got to thinking of how i fail HIM, how i let HIM down so so much, yet HE loves me so so much, we are HIS children we are what HE died for, then i remember why I do this thing called a Christian Walk. I love my church and my church family, i just feel like i am at a stand still, i pray to God whats next, what do you want me to do, where do you want me to go, what oh LORD what. Then comes the praying, and i know its me not being able to hear what HE wants me to do. I love preaching, I love teaching that is what keeps me in my Bible. My burden has always been the Spanish speaking people of the valley, About 5 years ago the LORD gave me the privilege to teach the teenagers. To tell you the truth i didn't want to do it, but my pastor asked me, I prayed and God gave me peace on it. I kept telling myself how will you talk to these mini adults, yet you cant talk to them like adults sometimes, yet not children, heaven forbid you talk to them like little kids they get offended, but i did it, I have grown to love my teenagers, they have a respect for me i can see that. I pray for them, i cry for them, i see things in their lives that break my heart, like their face-book pages, grr, but What can you do nothing? nothing but pray and preach the Word of God. I don't mean to get all Holy on this but this is a fire i have for them. I must admit sometimes i go to church out of routine just to say i was there, or to keep people from saying where was Juan tonight they should know if I'm not there i am usually working. I just want my fire back LORD, I'm just tired I'm tired of it all, sometimes i feel like throwing in the towel, but i think of my boys what will they think what will be there future, I cant give up, i don't want them to give up on Jesus because there dad did it, i don't want to answer to GOD for that. So i will keep chugging along with what HE has in store for my family and I. My work on the other hand has caught up to my body, since my diagnosis of being diabetic my body feels more drained than ever, i just keep pushing along as well, sometime i push too hard, then it gets scary when it seems my heart cant catch up with the beating my body is taking, but i cant tell my boss i cant keep up what will he say or do, so i just must go on. I have felt like i have been picked on at work like the boss gives me less men to complete a job than others, but my wife says he might just think i can get it done with less people, so i will not say anything to him i will take it to the LORD and let HIM take care of it. I don't want to sound like a crybaby to my boss so i will let GOD take care of my situation there at work. Then i start thinking about my boys and there future, my Johnny which i haven't seen in months for he chose to do his own thing, but what can i do he don't live with me, all i can do is pray for him really. My Michael what will become of him, he has such a big heart(don't know where he got that from) though he is a junior in high school, the time has flown by so fast, i remember when we would go to Wallbangers he used to sit in the front seat between Sal an I,  next year a senior then what, i hope for college, i hope he sees how hard his parents work and he gets himself an education not to be struggling paycheck to paycheck, my little David not so little anymore 9 years old already, wow, i pray i will have taught them something about life, about Jesus, something to help them turn out right, especially right with the LORD. I pray they be a better Christian than their dad, i haven't blogged in a while just have a lot on my mind and i guess i needed to unload on here.

Things I Am Missing

Lots has happened since my last post, where do I begin.

On this post I will blog about...hmm.. The things I miss.

The thing I miss were the olden days in my generation.

I remember getting saved, starting my Christian walk. I remember being taught the basics, which of course I have walked away from time or two. I have failed my Heavenly Father, but my desire is to serve HIM, but I miss my family Alot, I have to learn a way to balance things out. I'm not talking about my immediate family, I'm talking about my Daddy, Momma, little Sisters, & little Brother. I just pray God gives me the wisdom to balance this out. I love my Family, but they will never come over my Lord. I know the bible says to be seprete, but I know what HE means. I also don't want my lost loved ones to feel like I am in a cult or something. This was just a discussion over dinner last night with some church folk. Well I guess that is all for now.

What has happened to our churches?

What has happened to our churches, I cant believe in the day we are today, where no one stands for the bible any more. We have come to a time where church is another place to hang out, with no convictions, do what we want, no one can tell us what is wrong, or we will leave attitude. Are we even fundamentalist anymore, what would we classify our church as today. Seems when a revival want to break out the devil really attacks, & the sad thing is he uses Gods people to be the ones to do the attacking. Sometimes even the so called saved people, that don't realize how they are hurting other in their pathway of destruction, seeing what has been allowed in our lives, everything is OK, we will just do what we want, God will forgive us attitude. We are suppose to hate the sin not the sinner, that doesn't mean we compromise, & make them feel like its OK for what they are doing, we slowly are crossing that line of compromise, & don't even think twice about it. We have become so complacent, We don't want to offend anyone, We don't want to stand for anything anymore, do as you please, Gods will take care of it, HE will not be mocked, being the so called saved in sin, or the compromiser not saying anything about it. No confrontation, Heaven forbid you confront someone about their sin, but if they get you order wrong in a restaurant, man you blow a gasket, & let them have it, a piece of your mind that is. Pastors, Preacher, Sunday School teachers, Deacons, you name it church member, their lives don't even make a difference among the lost, that is why the world is slowly taking over our churches, then you become the bad guys for saying anything, but you know what just STAND, for what is right. I know, I love you really love you in the LORD christian in sin, but i have to draw the line somewhere when your still living in sin, & have no care about, you don't care who knows it, the world knows it, but you just don't care, because you rather satisfy the flesh. Sad thing is I am seeing people who I thought would stand for what is right, just let it go like if nothing is happening, you know it i know it, GOD knows its wrong, but do we even care, or do we just want to o about our business. The move of God is so real, & we just keep missing it, its like we expect God to do it, & when he does we don't even recognize HIM for it. Like the disciples asked John the baptist, " Are you the Christ or should we look for another?" Its come to the point where you have to ask about the church, are you the real thing or should we look for another/. Sad thing is where can you find another, they are like so far & few in between. People just going along with what the world thinks is holy, not what the Bible says is HOLY. I was talking to my friend last night about Uza, which also came up in my Sunday school, when they moved the Arc of the covenant, First of all they were moving it wrong, on a cart, then when it hit the threshold, it rocked a bit & Uza touched him, & the LORD killed him. Have we become like Uza, we go to church day in, & day out, have we forgotten what the church is, have we forgot, what the bible says, like Uza he got used to this Arc being in his house, in his living room, since he was small. It became like any other piece of furniture, so he had lost the respect, the reverence for it. Have we become the same way about our church, our bible, our christian walk, we do this christian thing day in day out, where has the reverence for GOD gone, we have become so used to this church its like a social gathering, "Yes Preacher, Amen Preacher," is what we shout, nod our heads with agreement, but what does our lives say, what does our prayer life say, our reading the bible time say, living like a Christian say, We have come to a time America, where the church, has not the full power of God, because we just don't care anymore, we don't give a rip about the things of GOD they have become a nuisance-1 A person, thing, or circumstance causing inconvenience or annoyance 2 An unlawful interference with the use and enjoyment of a person's land. We don't even enjoy working for GOD any more it is such a chore. We see other people living like the devil, & ask GOD why," Why God do you allow this? they are bringing such a reproach to Your Name,'" then we get even as worldly as them , & ask the LORD,"What if I do it, what if i go out in sin?", WHO YOU KIDDING CHRISTIAN, If your really a Christian you would be miserable, & if your not, your enjoying your sin, check up about your salvation, I would really check up about my salvation, about what happened that day when we claimed to be saved. Now in closing this post, I have tried to get past some thing, but Brother, Sister, when it is wrong it is WRONG. You know it, I know it, we all know it, Now that big big BIG question is what are we going to do about it, that's right, what can we do about, yes it really stinks, but all we can do is pray, & not take things into our own hands that belong to GOD to deal with, all we can do is pray, now the real questions are Have we Prayed? Or do we even care?

messing around with my blog

I deleted some stuff but not on purpose, it was an accident, OOooops, thats what happens when i star messing around with stuff

Been A While for Me

Haven't posted in a while, I've been so busy, lots of things going on in my life. My spiritual life has been at an all time low, due to me letting circumstances get in the way.
I struggle just as any man or woman does, i am not perfect by any means.
My best friend not being in church, my son not wanting to see me, my fiends that i thought were friends take things the wrong way, & it just gets all messy. Then of course i get in the flesh, & make things even worse, all i can do is pray, when i can get through. Revival started today at church it started great, Lord really dealt with my heart, I just had to swallow my pride, & make things right, turns out. I am the one holding out to stuff, everyone has gone past this junk , I was just dwelling on things that have no importance, or that are done with, gotten over. I want to make things right, by no means am i a compromiser, I know what I stand for, but I also know when the flesh has overtaken the situation and my eyes are so far from Christ, my Beloved. I preached on being religious this morning, I preached more to myself this morning in Sunday School. I just really want to serve God, but my flesh is always in the way, trials come, & i sink with them, I have gotten my eyes on other people instead of the Giants in suppose to be fighting. I have to be more of a testimony, I am excited of what GOD is going to do, but at the same time stand guard for the attacks. I love my teens, I pray to GOD i can have some kind of a good effect in their christian walk in their lives, Keep me in your prayer for the Lords will, i really need it. Just Rambling on,
Laters

Heart Broken

Today about 10PM, after coming back from fellowship from Texas Roadhouse, as my wife , & I were talking she got a text from her sis in law. She was asking if it was alright if Averie could call me because she was crying for me. You see my little niece has been in my life for a while it gets complicated at times, but I have learned to love her as my own. I just didn't realize how much I loved that little girl.

We have this bond when we see each other for some reason we put each others hands on each others face, I see how big my hand is against her little face, it makes me just want to squeeze her. She puts her hand against my big face, she can only cover my nose only. Then she just smiles. You see God hasn't given us a little girl, i say because God doesn't give us what we cant handle. See at times I was the threat, she would get, I would be the one they would say, "if you don't behave I will tell Tio Juan". She had a fear for me that turned into love, i have never laid hands on this little girl, but she was always afraid if i would someday. I think it would break my heart if I did.

Well she has moved to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma to be with her dad, which is wonderful, she has her family. I just didn't know how much it would break my heart, or miss her so much, as I type, there is this huge knot in my throat. Well she call me, & i answer the phone thinking i can be tough Tio Juan, but this little voice on the other end is going hysterical saying ,"I love you Tio Juan, I love you." It just melted my heart away, i start crying, not wanting my boys to see my like this, I stay outside, I keep telling her I love her, she tells me she misses me, she misses her Tia DeeDee, she misses Johnny, misses Mikey, she misses David. I just keep crying trying to not let her notice I am crying,"Just keep telling her you love her," i tell myself. Well we hang up I walk a little bit around out side with this huge knot in my throat, then i make my way inside. I sit on the couch looking at the ceiling, my wife asks if I'm alright, I tell her, "She's gonna forget me".

I try to keep myself from breaking down, then my wife tells me she is gonna call me again, because I told her she could call me whenever she wanted too. So she calls again, all crying, so I start crying this time just like her I couldn't stop, She starts telling me she loves us all, she starts naming one by one. She also tells me If I could got to Oklahoma to go see her, I mean how can I tell her no. So I promised her I would go see her, she is also telling me she will behave at school, so I can go see her. She is telling me we will have lots of fun, I am just balling by know, i didn't care who heard me I just told her I loved her. I started thinking, man I am heart broken, I love this little girl, & I can't have her or see her anymore, but I WILL pray for her, I feel I lost her, & crazy thing is she is not even my daughter. I can't handle little girls breaking my heart, as tough as I want to be around them, I think they know they melt my heart, I love all my nieces.

After we hung up I just had to come , & blog, because maybe someday when she gets older, & she has forgotten me, she can read this, & know how much her Tio Juan loves her, and how close we were.

SUNDAY SCHOOL TEENAGERS 5/9/10

ACTS CHAPTER 3 VS 1- 5

Now this was after Pentecost, so cool I feel we were at Pentecost this past week.

1. Verse 1- Now Peter and John went up together into the temple at the hour of prayer, being the ninth hour. = Peter & John were together, Gods people need to be together, come together to church. The Ninth hour 3 o'clock in the afternoon.
   
2. Verse 2- And a certain man lame from his mother's womb was carried, whom they laid daily at the gate of the temple called Beautiful, to ask alms of them that entered into the temple. = this crippled man was carried to the gate of the church, they knew where he could get help. He was begging from the Christians.
3. verse 3 - Who seeing Peter and John about to go into the temple asked an alms. = He saw Peter & John he recognized them, alms= mercy or pity, he begged.
4. verse 4 - And Peter, fastening his eyes upon him with John said, Look on us. = Peter making eye contact, not ignoring him.
5. verse 5 - And he gave heed unto them, expecting to receive something of them. = He payed attention to them, he might have even gotten a hold of their clothing as he is listening.

Peter & John went into the temple to pray in the afternoon at 3 o'clock, & saw a lame beggar. In the years past, handicap people often became beggars. The lame man had probably heard about Jesus' miracles, for in a visit to Jerusalem, Jesus healed a man blind from birth (Mark 10:51), which may have planted a seed of hope in the beggars heart.

Smote in the Heart

Today after work I went to fuel up the big truck I use for work, I was in a hurry due to my little David had a t-ball game. After I finished fueling of course the machine says the cashier has receipt. Grrr, there i go inside to get a receipt, when I am in line, there is this young man, buying a lot of munchies, junk food. Of course i start thinking inside myself, as I stare at the back of his head with tattoos, his side burns are also tattoos. I am thinking to myself this guy will never be a working part of society. I started thinking next thing you know he is going to pay with his Lone-Star Card, the food stamp card. When he surely does bust out the card to pay, when all of a sudden the Holy Ghost convicted me of being so critical, we sometimes are so critical aren't we, or maybe its just me.

Holy Spirit smote my heart so bad I got all teary eyed. If my brother in law would have been so critical I wouldn't have gotten saved. I needed compassion, Holy Spirit was putting in my heart to give him a tract, but I didn't have one, so that really broke my heart so bad, I got my receipt. Went to my truck as fast as I could, when I got on tears were coming down my eyes, when I cried to Jesus to take that critical spirit away from me, Forgive ME I cried today, I asked Lord to give me some more compassion for the lost. I cried out for forgiveness, I will have to answer for that young man one day, his blood will be on my hands. I fail, I fall so short, I Know Jesus forgives, so i thought i would share, & ask for prayer for more compassion in my heart

Just Me

Last night as I was just wondering about me, Who am I? was the question in my head. As revival fire is breaking out in the valley, getting a touch of God. I was," Like man I am rubbing elbows with great men of God", like so many times before, but Who Am I? As I was leaving the meeting with things, Ideas, conviction, eye openers, on my mind. I got home talked alone to my beautiful wife, just talked you know, hadn't done that in a while, you know just really talked. I was seeing the people around me at the meeting, that was my mistake looking at people. I would ask the Lord to help me within, and HE did. Seeing people acting the way they act in front of people, I just laid back just being myself, just spying out the crowd. Enjoying what a work God has done, remembering the places I used to be in, now I'm in the house of God most of the time Praise His Holy name. I have watched my pastor, & how he handles things, I think to myself how in the world does he do that, I have a great man of God leading me, & I can learn alot from him. I may not be the most loud one at the meetings, I may not be the one who everyone knows, that's just me. For most of my Christian life I have been the behind the scene kind of guy, & I like it. I don't want to hog up the man of God, I want to soak in everything he says, but I want other people to enjoy the same fellowship I can. I can see people hanging out with people that are not helping them in their Christian walk, but what can I do just sit back & let it happen, No Way, like Bro. Harrison said an Intercessor, Intercede on the behalf of others. Pray for them, I am by no means perfect so if you can't find anyone to pray for, pray for me, I fall so short of the Glory. Like I said rubbing elbows with great men of God, but yet still think nothing of themselves, so humble, so down to earth, yet so heavenly. Just think of themselves as a nobody.

That's when it hit me I am a nobody, so stop thinking anything else of yourself. That's who I am, That's Just me, that's they way I will be. Lord can do what HE wants with me. I started thinking of other men in the church house, that could use some encouragement, so that is what I will do LORD encourage the brethren to go on. Tonight might be the last night of revival so I don't want to quench any part of it. That's Just Me, that's who I am, patiently waiting as God molds me into the man of God I need to be. I have made plenty of mistakes, & I'm not going to lie I will make more that's Just Me.

If you only knew.......

If you only knew, what HE did for me.

You would understand why I serve HIM with a passion.
If you only knew, Where I came from.
You would see my heart melt for Christ.
If you only knew, What flesh, & spiritual struggles I have.
You would see where I'm coming from.
If you only knew, How I miss my friend.
You would know how lonely I feel.
If you only knew, How I love you?
You would understand why I say the things I do.
If you only knew, How hard it is to live the Christian walk I have.
My testimony, no compromise, Compassion yes, some rebuke, what to do.
If you only knew, How this world looks at you.
Can they see Christ in you.
If you only knew, How I defended you.
I take being called a liberal, but does it get to you.
If you only knew, When I stand up for Christ.
I take being called legalistic, God Squad. Most Liberals use that term.
If you only knew, How I wish you would serve HIM.
But I am no Holy Spirit to your free will.
If you only knew, How I pray for you?
Would you tell me to stop, or keep going.
If you only knew, I only wish to be a blessing.
To help in whatever I can.
If you only knew, How I desire to grow in the LORD.
I need all the schooling I can get.
If you only knew, I get my hands in whatever I can.
Because someday may come when I could use that experience.
If you only knew, how much I want to preach.
That is what I am called for.
If you only knew, why I sacrifice.
Because HE died for me.
If you only knew, How much my family loves me.
They show it to me all the time.
If you only knew, I am a nice guy.
My wife says let them see what I see.
If you only knew, How much help I need.
You would be asking what you could help with.
If you only knew, How much I love my pastor.
You would understand why I'm so passionate about the things of church.
If you only knew, Christ died for you.
Till you understand that with your heart, till then.
If you only knew, you need heart knowledge, not head knowledge.
You might surrender all.
If you only knew.
IF YOU ONLY KNEW.

R.C. Air SHow

We went as a group to the R.C. Air Show in Weslaco, Tx Left to Right, Johnny Deleon. Luke Laiklam, Toby Reyes, Anthony Mendez, Michael Deleon, Alicia Mendez, & David Deleon, Bro. Wally is behind Alicia.

Bro. Walter Mendez

David Deleon how could I tell this face he couldn't go with us.

SInging

Bro. Tim Rupard & Sis. Alisha Rupard singing with Sis. Skyla Gwyn at Harvest Baptist Church. I miss that man of God.